Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

It wasn't me! I didn't eat the cake!

Life in Irinaland

Science is still unable to explain how bread torn off the loaf and eaten on the go has less calories than bread sliced and eaten on a plate at the kitchen table with people around watching you.

Food eaten off someone else’s plate has less calories. Did you know that ten chips have 140 calories when I eat them off my plate, but 0 calories if I eat them off Frankie’s plate while doing other things around the kitchen?

Food eaten in small pieces, crumbs even has fewer calories. No calories if it goes unnoticed. I can have a small piece of cake and another tiny one in an hour. I then have another teeny, tiny one on my way to do laundry and on my way back I pick up the leftover crumbs by sticking them on my finger, without anyone seeing me. How many calories? Zero! If later Doug asks, “have you been eating this cake?” I will unfortunately get some calories back, unless I deny having touched the cake and then I am fine.

A portion is what I say it is. When I eat a slice of pizza, I get the same calories, regardless if it is the small triangle that is over before it’s begun or one of those humongous slices we see in American films, that fold over your fingers because no piece of dough can hold that much cheese and pepperoni.

What pizza? Indie, did you see any pizza around?

Oh yes, there’s loads of magic tricks that I practiced for years and allowed myself this false sense of re-assurance that I was doing the right thing. My internal narrative extended to more than just eating habits. I told myself sweet little lies about exercising and smoking (yes I was a smoker for a very long time). When the truth got too close for comfort, I had one more trick up my sleeve. Tomorrow. I can indulge today but I will be good tomorrow and make up for it. Haha, good one!

Did I know I was living in Irinaland? Of course I did, but why let the truth get in the way of a good story? On a day to day basis, it was so much easier to just go along with it, so much easier…I was also young enough to think that time is of no consequence, that I am invincible and I can worry about all of this some other time.

I will be good tomorrow!

I can’t run a marathon on lies…

I can’t. I just can’t get away with it, so it’s quite fortunate that the ‘other time’ came when it did and the need to face my true story burst out of me in the most compelling way. My journey to discover Irina in all her glory, work on the weaknesses and build on the strengths, which started over a year ago is far from over. It is fascinating however, and it means I can stand before you today, ready to share my whole truth and feel good about it.

Enjoying a full English breakfast with Kostis. Priceless!

Running this marathon will take every bit of motivation, commitment and will power I have. On all levels. Running and exercising regularly, eating healthy and ideally dropping some more weight. I will need to spend the summer training even when on holidays in Greece (fingers crossed for that), no matter how hot it gets or how early I have to get up to avoid the heat. I have to prepare my mind for the mental battle and I have to prepare my body as much as possible to avoid injuries.

I mean let’s face it, I am no spring chicken and I am not a natural born runner. I was quite sporty in school, but running was the one thing I avoided! With a fake sick-note if necessary. I am not one of those people who can just run. No. I have to work hard for every bit of progress. Can you imagine me trying to do that while living in Irinaland? No way.

And just to be clear, moving out of Irinaland doesn’t mean I don’t eat the ten chips or the slice of cake or the pizza. Quite the contrary. I eat it proudly and I enjoy it immensely. The difference is I acknowledge it, I am aware of it and therefore more mindful of eating better the rest of the day or the next day. If I don’t, well… I know exactly what the consequences will be and I know exactly who is responsible.

Having said that, Frankie will always give me grief if I pinch something off his plate. “Are these the chips that don’t count?” he will say. He knows me too well.

Sharing fish&chips with Evi in Shoreham. Yum!

Technology to the rescue!

With smart phones and apps, the ability to record, log, keep track of eating and exercise habits is easier than ever. Bring it on!! I record my runs and keep track of everything. Distance, pace, mood, weather, other things like VO2, which I don’t even know what it means. So much information at my fingertips.

I keep a food diary. I use MyFitnessPal to record everything I eat. Whether I am being good or naughty. Whether I want to create a calorie deficit or not. I know how many calories I eat, how much protein, carbs, fibre. You name it. It’s sometimes shocking to discover what I think was a good day being way over in calories or vice versa. Who am I kidding? the vice versa thing rarely happens.

Of course I track my weight. Religiously. Yes, my scales connect to an app. Lindsey calls it the sad step. Inevitably, it is sad a lot of the times. But when it is a happy step, ooh, that is a good feeling hey? Learning more about weight, muscle tissue and fat % in the body, has been such an eye-opener!

My personal scales: if Doug can lift me, I am doing ok!

So there you have it. I am one of those people that track everything. Why? Because of all the sweet little lies I will eagerly tell myself, blur the facts, shed the responsibility and ultimately pin the blame on anything other than me. Story of my life and only now do I see the pattern so clearly.

Better late than never…There is hope.

There is HOPE @Light up Wiston, December 2020